MICHELLE WANG  

Needless to say a lot. Simply, thanks for my family, I love you all.

Believe there is always a better place beautiful than you thought.

Photo by Mr Wang

The END.

To be continued…

Stay reasonable, nobody asks the reasons of ‘unreasonable’ behind, we hardly care.

What if we ask, what if we care, ‘what if’ is something unreasonable by itself.

It was such a surprise when the day pink card arrived, there was no emotion, no tears, nothing, guess tears already ran out before that.

People thought the best moment was when the ‘pass’ finally came into life, actually they were wrong, the best moment was the day before the test, the best mock test the girl ever had.

Turing right into a side road came across oncoming cars, decided that foot break first and hand break on, then miracles passed by.

First was a lady not only nodded but also with a graceful smile, her hair was all gray but the way she smiled made her young forever; cars passing by, saying thank you by raising hand, shinning beam lights seconds, one by one…  that was the moment when the girl realized the meaning of drive.

Same road made tears almost come out of eyes, it was the ‘must walk’ road years ago when the same girl walked on it every day, wondering where to start, how to start, PDQ, Web…

Drive, was just something far away from life.

No anger inside when people made fun on her after the ‘Pass’, tons of work and words behind ‘I can drive’, started from minus until the day over taking a big lorry at 70 miles, the girl years ago wondering again and again ‘ Can I drive ? ’, you probably already forgot.

There is no need to ask too much from outside as the main problem is deep within inside, open the heart, left all the shadows behind.

Win or lose, never lose ourselves.

Good morning, 5@30 am.

It was a tough day as most of the time I gave to the mood, therefore me myself hardly can catch up the things in front of me, the things ahead of me, good things ahead of me I believe, just one more step, just hold on for one more second, one more minute… Two hours before end of today, mood gradually flying away and left me sitting this place writing something, I want to write something good, I want to tell myself ‘Ying, it’s OK, it’s alright, things will work, don’t worry.’ again, and again, until all the cells of my body resonate, until I believe I got the courage to smile at ‘this was wrong’ and ‘that was not working’…

Dad is traveling, sending me pictures occasionally, there was one moment I was feeling Dad looks like a kid, and Mom, we talked and talked, like old friends, I shared my emotions with her, sometimes bad, most of the time are good, positive. You know parents are sometimes expecting too high, but Mom never expected anything from me, actually it is me, I expect too much from myself, I told her I want to pass this pass that… she simply said ‘ Don’t rush, take the time, actually, you don’t have to push yourself that much, it’s ok to fail… I know you can make it, just a matter of time…’ Sometimes I’m wondering I’m a good daughter or bad daughter, the answer is not important, I know no matter how bad or how good I am, they love me, unconditionally.

Older cousin sometimes sending mails to me, telling me how lazy she was, not touching books for quite long time plus introducing the latest movies, the ones she thought I must be interested. One of them was indeed interesting and touching, I texted her while I was watching, just like that. Baby cousin, still keeps her straight forward style, if you ask her ‘what do you want to do for a living’ that sort of boring question, she will say ‘I don’t like studying, I know I’m not good at it…’ she likes food, all I need to do is bringing money and she will take care of the rest, cakes, egg tarts, fried chicken, sushi… my appetite is following. Talking about age, most of us believe the older you are the more you will understand and concern about family, it’s not the case all the time, like her, she concerned about family deeply, at that young age, are you goanna say she is not amazing because of ‘I don’t like studying…’ ? For me, she is a little star, who is shining beautifully because of her personality, it’s just you cannot see.

Lately I was thinking about grandma, I want to write a song for her, may be just lyrics, Rap, I don’t know she may like it or not because pop music was not that pop in her generation, it’s OK, I just want to tell her, I’m independent now, although financial situation is not that amusing, I never feel embarrassing about it. Car, property… I’m not chasing, they are coming to me, slowly, and gently. If you ask me where is the best place, I would say, it’s Grandma’s, couple of old couches, a very old black and white TV, a sewing machine, the little clothes and shoes I wore were all hand made by her, a big square wooden table, a tiny old fashion kitchen where she made the world’s most delicious food, and me just messing up around… Mom said grandma actually was very short temper, but for me she is the super super super patient grandma, the best. Sometimes I hate growing up, but most of the time I appreciated it, without it I will never understand pain and love.

I’m not qualified yet, still learning, whenever feel down, just spend a couple of seconds thinking about the things the people we should feel appreciated, there must be something good in every single day, see it, feel it, with belief.

12@01 pm already, give time a little bit time, let it sort out everything, and now, time to sleep.

Have you ever seen this before ? I guess not, although it’s not something big, still, it’s beautiful.

Around 6:30 pm, some of strange guys were hitting the front door, after they heard ‘ who is it ‘ they laughed and one of them started to hit the side window, ‘It’s a lady, a lady…’ that’s what I heard. So the lady they laughed at simply shouted ‘ If you keep doing this I’m gonna call the police! ‘ Strangely those strange guys disappear in one second. I’m not sure ‘I’m gonna call the police’ this line is helpful in the real life or not, but it sounds funny and weak in the movie I’m so sure. Have you ever used this line in your real life before, I guess, not, at least not a lot.

Only 5 minutes around, why shall I write down this past 5 minutes in my life, which was so minor comparing to the total I had lived, the reason was our kind police officer said ‘ You’d done the right thing, you were challenging them…’ I took it as a compliment although that was not my intention, why shall I challenge something not worth, strangely neither brain nor heart was shaking for one second in that 5 minutes, oh, forgot stomach, they were all working fine, not affected.

Lady, woman, girl… it won’t matter because sometimes you may be too brave to remember.

Believe it or not, that’s the real life, in London, not romantic like what usually happened in a drama a very handsome gentleman came and saved the girl, blablabla… 

Be brave, independent…is there a better thing you could think of.

Shake hand with the past, live now, embrace the rest.

Have you ever seen something like this before ? I think you have, something better.

It won’t give a ‘wow’ that sort of feeling I know coz we have seen seaside, a lot. It seems quite close from here to there, but actually not coz a lot of transaction costs involved you cannot see, you don’t know. What is transaction cost ? According to some book, it means time, effort, transportation, energy, and money just counts as a part of it, is there any formula to work out the total ? It seems there is one which will give a ‘wow’ that sort of feeling, but a lot of logics involved I don’t know.

People are all different, I heard that a lot, it does provide some comfort sometimes. Some people are good at numbers, some good at music, there is nothing wrong if you say you are good at nothing, nothing wrong with it. Do we have to be good at something to make a good living ? Who knows… Doodling on the logics, it’s rude, I know, it’s another logic.

The most amazing part in our body is stomach I think, sometimes it complains a little bit but most of the time it accepts whatever you feed it and digest, not like brain which is really moody and troubles heart a lot, stomach doesn’t need to understand food, but brain has to understand a lot and digest, bit by bit.

Miracle happens in every single second, not like working place, miracle shop opens 24/7. Just like in a windy day all of a sudden the sun illuminated the sky, clouds faded, and miracle was coming, just like you prayed, you hoped.

It’s, not a logic, do you, know it ?

IS IT BEAUTIFUL ? TO ALL THE BRAVE GIRLS.

How can we make our ‘messed up’ more reasonalble, acceptable, and understandble in this grown up world ? Because’The reason’ sometimes dosen’t work, and that’s the time you should learn to accept ‘rude’ and ‘messed up’ those colourful stickers sticked on you. Try not to react but put yourself into other people’s shoes, be positive and supportive, it’s hard isn’t it ? Most of us still don’t know.

If you feel you can’t solve the problem or you can’t make yourself understood or you just simply want to avoid ‘messed up’, just learn to accept and understand their emotions, moods and ignore your ego, you know you can do it, for yourself.
Swtich on PC on the left or right hand side is a big deal ? Actually no, smile and get yourself used to the uncomfortable.
Again a big messed room, two girls, loads of CPUs, warm, big ceiling windows, a different view, that’s all.

It’s no big deal, I know.

It was cold, one more glance at the building, lights on as usual, lights off sooner or later.
A car park, two girls, loads of tables, cold, a lonely lovely shiny star, that’s all.

Moving, loading, can you believe a girl tiny like Myint can carry so much stuff, most important she smiled like those heavy stuff light as feather. Strength is something coming from inside and I can feel it.

Give your best until you got nothing left, have you ever imagined what a difference you may create in your life if you live with this attitude in every single second.

There were two things we are always short of, time and money. Making money is no big deal I believe so, it’s just time issue; making time is a little bit difficult, which requires enormous tenacity, no one can help you but yourself. Rely on within rather than external, that’s the tip.

Don’t quit, keep going, a beautiful view is waiting for you, you never know.

Kyoko is a very cool girl, and beautiful, you will understand how cool she was the moment she said ‘My second car!’ if you know ‘Beautiful Life’. Does it really matter how you look? I mean outside look is important, but it’s not the all, I guess, the point is, has your soul been accepted or not. A girl like Kyoko has a power to cure the people around her, her smile, her attitude.

Dad bought me a new camera, my second one. Although I believe financially I can afford to buy a new one, he bought a new one for me just like years ago, now he kept the old one, and I brought the new one here. It is very heavy, you can physically feel the weight when you hold it, I told Dad about it, he explained because it is very good. Yes, only things with weight have values, weight is something positive.

Mom always said, if you feel hungry just eat something, if you feel tired just go to sleep. Have you ever tried sleeping whole day at home totally ignore Mon or Fri, raining, a little bit music; have you ever tried traveling alone, Asia, Europe; have you ever tried loving yourself more, more until you believe you can give, you are able to live a beautiful life in this world.

A little bit headache, better go to sleep. There are a lot you may want to make records, sometimes words seemed not enough or go blank. Camera can help, you can’t stop the time, but with one click you can memorize one moment, forever.

Does it count as miracle ?

What makes you stand on the stage facing so many unknown faces such confidently? One dream, one vision, one belief, tons of courage, in such a lonely place, you know that you have nobody, that’s why, somebody like you made it.

Sometimes you feel all the windows are closed and you have no place to go, nobody to reach; you know how to speak, but can you speak what you think; you know how to sing, so you sing instead of speaking, so you choose listening.

People don’t believe, so you tried to make them believe, you realized it was not that easy, slowly, gently you understand it was not worthy. You don’t need to make anybody believe, you only need to make yourself believe.

Tears, family, dignity.

It’s not you believe what you see, it’s you see what you believe.

Believe someday, someone like you can make it.